Friday, November 21, 2008

I just hate people.

I use to have an anger problem. For those that have seen me upset know what the wrath of Jarom is like. It's a funny story about making a deal with the devil etc... yeah basically ha ha. But seriously, one day I decided it wasn't worth it and began praying to get rid of it. I'm actually one of the lucky few that can see their prayers answered pretty quickly... not always but I usually don't struggle with this aspect (luckily). Every since I've prayed for it, the anger has been going down. Every once in a while I will get annoyed and will calmly argue back with the person. It normally ends up being rude, cynical comments that make you feel like you are useless, unwanted, unloved, and unintelligent. I know very nice of me. When I notice myself doing that stuff, I try to avoid it entirely. I need to be left alone or else feelings will be severly hurt. Trust me, you don't want to see it. It is honestly one of the worst experiences you will ever have.

This last week I found myself making rude comments in small doses. It was sort of sparked by someone's immaturity which was just ridiculous. Realizing this, I needed to seclude myself. I know what some of you are thinking that I should just learn to be nice etc... trust me, for the time being it is the best option. It can only get worse if I talk to people (I then get more annoyed). I try not to talk to many people but instead I will make conversations short. It's really hard for people to understand that I need to be left alone. Let's be honest, I like talking to people and normally will iniate 'hangouts.' So the quick switch can be hard.

Unfortunately, I can't avoid everyone. I just try to not get annoyed, but it is genuinely really hard. Recently, I was so annoyed but didn't show it that it made my nose bleed profusely. I couldn't stop the blood flow.

Not to worry. It has all subsided. But I did enjoy my solidarity. I watched some old anime movies, listened to good music, and did some art. I apologize to all thoses who may have felt the cynical comments. I don't really hate you. I just hate people.